Get it yo damn self.

I am the shyest thing in the world. I mean, I dont know what it is, but I will clam up in a heart beat. I dont have an explanation as to why I do it but I do.  I'm actually a loser, and I dont force anything on anybody. I stay to myself.

I'm a big girl, I'm fat, whatever you want to call it. I know that society doesn't accept big folk [HELL RARELY!].  I have heard the precious joke, since the movie came out, and I've seen how people can roast yo ass in a heart beat [with my scary ass]. my mind frame is that regardless if that person is talkin to you.. in the back of their mind, they have something negative underneath it all.  So therefore, I dont really take initiative to talk to people and if i do, I'll say something, and move along.

I dont think I believe in myself as a person and I have to learn to believe in myself, because in the next 5-10 years, I am going to be the one staring in the mirror, I'm going to be the one running my life and cashing them damn checks to pay my bills, but for some odd reason, I care about what people think and I'm soooo careful about what I say to people.Its like I dont have a voice.

I dont know whether I have low self-esteem or not, I'm a nice person, I joke around alot, and I can be loud & party-like crunk, but it takes time, which people aint got time to waste on me, ya know. I try and understand what I can't, I want to fit in somewhere, I just dont want to force it, hell i'll be alright.

but, uhm, I read feedmekicks.blogspot.com's post and she said "PROSPERING IN YOUR CRAFT IS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO. That's how it should be. Nobody will hand shit to you, you have to take it." and for me, that will be a challenge and Its NOT a new YEARS resolution, but Imma start on it as the days come & go.

Most of the people I considered my friends dont really fuck with me unless they need something and that shit... aint cool at all. I feel like I'm going through college with out shit body to turn to when I feel the need to express how I feel.

I'm by my damn self. but like she said, aint nobody gone hand me shit.

Its time to get on my shit & do what I have to.