Get it yo damn self.

I am the shyest thing in the world. I mean, I dont know what it is, but I will clam up in a heart beat. I dont have an explanation as to why I do it but I do.  I'm actually a loser, and I dont force anything on anybody. I stay to myself.

I'm a big girl, I'm fat, whatever you want to call it. I know that society doesn't accept big folk [HELL RARELY!].  I have heard the precious joke, since the movie came out, and I've seen how people can roast yo ass in a heart beat [with my scary ass]. my mind frame is that regardless if that person is talkin to you.. in the back of their mind, they have something negative underneath it all.  So therefore, I dont really take initiative to talk to people and if i do, I'll say something, and move along.

I dont think I believe in myself as a person and I have to learn to believe in myself, because in the next 5-10 years, I am going to be the one staring in the mirror, I'm going to be the one running my life and cashing them damn checks to pay my bills, but for some odd reason, I care about what people think and I'm soooo careful about what I say to people.Its like I dont have a voice.

I dont know whether I have low self-esteem or not, I'm a nice person, I joke around alot, and I can be loud & party-like crunk, but it takes time, which people aint got time to waste on me, ya know. I try and understand what I can't, I want to fit in somewhere, I just dont want to force it, hell i'll be alright.

but, uhm, I read feedmekicks.blogspot.com's post and she said "PROSPERING IN YOUR CRAFT IS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO. That's how it should be. Nobody will hand shit to you, you have to take it." and for me, that will be a challenge and Its NOT a new YEARS resolution, but Imma start on it as the days come & go.

Most of the people I considered my friends dont really fuck with me unless they need something and that shit... aint cool at all. I feel like I'm going through college with out shit body to turn to when I feel the need to express how I feel.

I'm by my damn self. but like she said, aint nobody gone hand me shit.

Its time to get on my shit & do what I have to.

I have so much that I want to do with my life, but I can't.
I'm so independent.. I have the mind-frame of an INDEPENDENT person, yet I depend on my momma.I get so frustrated when I cant make her happy.

I feel like, the world is on my shoulders. Some days, I think to myself that if I was dead that It'd be better that way.. so I would be better. but that's selfish, you know what about the people that really care about me. You know, what about the people that need me, like my mom, my little brother.

This year, after taking a year off from the world, I finally got off my ass & enrolled in school, and I finished my first semester, lost an aunt.. to a stroke, [She's still ALIVE, she's in a vegetative state] .

she actually named me Olivia, she was the main person jumping on my ass to make me do better. and I finally got up and did it. but she cant enjoy it.

uhm, This Christmas, I went to see her, I told her about my grades & you know.. it gets over whelming at times.

I'm trying. I can only do so much.

but I will NEVER EVER give up... that's what the haters, & negative people want.

December 25th

Merry Christmas.
Happy Birthday Jesus.



Mann, It dont even feel like Christmas..
I didn't get presents.. I dont even really care.
Its like, the older you get the less you want, and if you do want something.
The shit is super expensive.
But I mean, much of my love goes to the people in Lufkin Land that lost their homes & cars.
-- Olivia


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Now playing: Tynisha Keli - I Wish You Loved Me
via FoxyTunes

Life

I think that in this world the only bestfriend you have is the one that you find within yourself.
Personally, I don't fool with alot of people, because they always feel like you OWE them something.

but, one person that I believed to be my pplz, keep playing me for a fuckin fool;
I'm over that shit, I'm done with that.

All I can worry about is my immediate fam and me gettin through college.
The rest of that shit can go out the window.

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Now playing: Wiz Khalifa - Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

College...

So, fall semester ended.. in lil ol` Lufkin Texas.

I'm a Graphic Art Major, IDK why I'm not even alla that there.

but I took 4 classes. 13 hrs. I passed 3 A's & 1 B.

so, I already registered for Spring Semester.. 4 classes 12 hrs .

.... and the story continues, but I just thank the lord for seeing me thus far.

Aunt Irma !

Happy Birthday Girl ..

Creepin up on that big 6-O !
lmfaooo .

Alicia Keys .

I'm a fan .. well, not a BIG fan... hell not really a fan, just a person who listens to her music better yet.

uhm, I looked/listened to the new songs on Youtube. I mean they wereeeee preetttyyy nice, might I add.

I really like the "Don't Mean Anything" joint althought that "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" is damned catchy, butttuhhh, please believe I will have that album ASAP.

lmfaoo. if you dont know.. I'll post the videos :)

TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART !

DONT MEAN ANYTHING !

why it gotta be all that.

So, uh...
i really dont feel the need to update this, but.. lately, I been feeling really left out. It aint a thang to me, but hell I spend half of my time in my own little world ANYWAYS.

but, I really dont understand how people walk around BITCHING all... day... long.
I mean honestly, you say what you see wrong, especially them heffas that be posted up by the front doors at school.

I mean, REALLY? I am thankful for everything that comes up on me. but I'm not necessarily saying, act like everything is "peachy king" but hell, just look at it .. how it really is, and dont give up hope at least ya know what im sayin ?

anyways... that's about it.