hmmm

aunt bonnie

*sigh*

uhm.. I've been contemplating this blog; whether to write it or do a video.

My Aunt Bonnie is in ICU; anddddddd idk if she'll ever get back to where she was. (UPDATE:SHE'S NOT)

You know all my life.. she was "Aunt Bonnie"
...ask & you shall receive. If I didn't have she'd TRY and get it.. or make plans to get it. :) .. I love her for that.

The 3 times that I have been to the hospital; I dont go near her bed.. I just take a seat or keep my distance... and I stare.

I think about what she said to me; the last time.. "Olivia, you're smart.. You need to go TO COLLEGE, I know you can do it. I want to see you in college before I leave this earth; you too smart.. WAYYY to smart."

I feel like I'm finna cry.. but I cant... You know. I'm sad, but I cant cry because I know... I just want her to get better. She's important to me, not only because she's my aunt.

she named me OLIVIA. yeaa she named me that.

Its not that I need her, but I want her to live a lil longer. Stay just a little bit longer.

I think the thing that gets me the most is that I'm used to her being a phone call away, a 10 min drive away. I didn't give her a second thought really.

When you KNOW that the person isn't there you feel empty.. you feel like a piece is missing. I feel that way tho. for some odd reason.

She spoiled me coming up.. Lool. I remember my mom telling me that one time I had a bowl of peas & I wasted em && Aunt Bonnie went to the store & BOUGHT me another can. :D .

Yeaaa; Auntie loves me and I love her back.

I mean my other family member say "I cant stand to look at her like that".

but Its fine to me. Mom & I watch the health channel alot.

I just stare and & think of .. everything she's done.. positive and negative for me, ya know.. I just close my eyes from time to time and say in my mind. pleasseee snap out of it.

I understand she aint dead but, she can't talk back.

I feel like I didn't appreciate her like I should have I feel kinda guilty but no one lives forever... but God has plans for her.. and It's gonna hurt me, but Death is a part of life.

And.. Now that I'm in college after she nagged me EVERY SINGLE TIME she saw me. She didn't get to see me. She can't say anything to me. like "How is college?" or "What classes are you taking?".

But I'm fine. It'll be fine. I just wont give up. no matter how overwhelmed or stressed I get.. I'll stand strong.

College means more NOW than ever.

I just wish I change the way things are going.

Just know.. that "I love you AUNT BONNIE always.. && forever".




-- Olivia N. Jones.

-happybirthday`

HAPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!

loool, yeaa Its her birthday. We actually sat up til 12am this morning && I send her an IM on YAHOO. && I blogged on Tumblr. and now Blogspot. Then... idk, its kinda .. well, I'm kinda crunk my damnself && it aint even my birthday.

I just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, another year here and hopefully many more to come... idk where I'd be, because I'm a momma's girl . and I do believe that "Mama Knows Best" is actually the truth. uhm... Happy 50th! :D ..I'm just kidding! you got a good grip to go. but yea.. happy b-day; LOVE you.
-- Olivia`

-purpleeeee`

-redblack&ndwhite`

Yessireeeee ! . I'd so rock these bad boys NO lie.. $130.00, i think plus the other stuff .
I mean.. It even has my name on the back side part :D ...

YESSSSS! I need to do a few chucks.. "What a DORK!", idgas

-whoami?`

-beautiful`

-anywheabuthere.`

I snapped this on a trip from Dallas back to Lufkin. *siqh* right now, I'd rather be anywhere but here . I mean I'm fine right now, but sometimes I don't even know why I continue to breath this air, feel this way, or even converse with these people who dont care about me. they just talk to me because I can help them get farther on their journey to the .. well, to wherever the hell they're going.

I just want to get in the car and drive to the end of the earth. I need to find a mountain top and exercise my lungs. *smh* I'm stressed... I barely sleep. I don't really eat anymore. .. I'm not the same.. I'm ... really "WHATEVER" at this moment in time.

I think that ... I am a Trey Songz fan. Not crazed obsessed, but a fan.
I never really paid him any attention when he first came out.. it was like . "Oh wow, mhhm, ONE HIT!" ... I remember vacuuming the floor and I was changing the channel and his video came on. "Gotta Make It" , I bobbed my head and said "He's Cute" .

Many years later, here we have it .. Mr. Tremaine "Trey Songz" Neverson, he's a threat to many guys in the game tho, he may not know it .. but he's putting Ne-Yo in a tight squeeze there. *sigh*

my favorite track has to be "Yo Side Of The Bed" . Its very very sentimental. I uh, like it alot.

uhm.. but, so far so good.. lets see what he has in store next .

-justdoitlikenike`

um... so I was bored && decided to hit up .. NIKE and made me a shoe (photoed above).
Dudeeeeeee Its pretty cool, the only thing that I don't like is that they don't have textures.. and patterns like polka dots, etc. but, next will be chucks... I really like shoes.. =)

-wheresdarealyou?

I'm not saying any names, because that would actually give that bitch some shine.

uhm, I dont like how fake you are.. you're not real.. you're not the person I've grown to know..
or maybe this is the REAL you and that other shit I grew to love was a lie.

but, I dont appreciate how you put others down to make yourself feel better.
I dont appreciate how you put yourself ABOVE everyone else.

Karma is coming, will it bite you in your ass. Hopefully it will.

I'm not wishing anything upon you. but, everything you have.. is a blessing.
EVERYTHING you are .. is because of US.
but in my eyes.. you're NOTHING.

I mean, when you find that person I once knew.. then holla at me.

-ohyewmad?

This is my BLOG.. I write WHAT I WANT!
Don't like it.. FCK OFF. :D



So,
I've always been the type to do for others, and sometimes... try and break my neck to do FOR them at that.

I'm a people pleaser, sometimes when I don't DO for my friends.. It makes me feel bad; you know like.. I'm not being 100.

but, my mom told me "If you don't have it, you just don't"

I think my WHOLE life, I've always been worried about pleasing everyone & not myself.
I've been busting my ass to do for others when I get this half ass help in return.

I'm taking it all ONE day at a time, but each day... isn't better than the previous.

-youmademethisway.`

Technically, I'm grown. *nods*

But, I'm not ready for the world.... or am I ?

I can't fathom being without my mother in my life.
I love her beyond life itself. She's babied me; my whole life.

Sometimes, I look at her and I feel like I've totally let her down.
I want to be something... I want to be someone that she's proud of.

I mean... I'm not doing anything with my life as of now.

But, I'm trying.. and that's .. good enough for me.

If people knew the way I see things.. the way I think.. they'd most likely understand me.

-acloserlook.`?

Some days are better than others.

Like today, I woke up feeling like I was all alone.

I'm not sure how this thing called life even works.
In my mind, I'd love to do alot of things.. but, when push comes to shove; I make my first move then, its like God pushes me back 5 steps. Its hard... and sometimes, I get these attitudes as to where I say "Fuck You, I Dont Need You... You're No Help, You Can Leave Me Alone" .

I'm just frustrated, and I blame everyone.. I blame my mother, my friends.. I blame everyone..

Except.......... Me.

M O M

Haha! Mom's birthday is in like 3 days...
I don't know what I'm going to do for her...
but hopefully its something that she'll like .. or
maybe even appreciate. ya know.

Update Updateeee . <3

I've been slacking with everything lately,
due to the fact that I'm trying to get this college thing poppin, ya know.


uhmm.... I'm kinda neglecting all of my social sites..
idk why tho.. uhm... but in case you dont have or know them here they are.