Do You See What I See?

Have you ever stood in the MIRROR and wondered, "What does everybody see?" I mean not like that but, many people give me praise, "You're so smart." and, "You're this && that". or "Olivia, you should go to college." But I, as an individual DON'T see it. I mean, I often think to myself when people tell me that "OMG! Get out my face you fucking KISS ASS!" or "Bitch, you ain't trying to help me." . But that comes with the territory. I can't FULLY describe myself. Even I don't know what I'm capable of, so therefore, you can't tell me a GOT DAMN thang about WHAT'S ME and/or WHAT'S NOT ME. But I do notice things about myself, As well as some things unseen/or unknown to other people. Some people might see that as me being rude, but once again. I do not see anybody HELPING me do a GOT DAMN thing. I've gotten this far by myself, along with the parents && siblings if not ONE or TWO. In my eyes, all I see is SNAKE ass Niggas with they hands out. Day in && Day Out. REAL SHIT. If you can't handle the way my WORLD is rockin MAYBE you need to take the NEXT EXIT!

--. Speak Up OR Be Forgotten. ~ ONJ

Until You Use Me Up

"Oh, you just keep on using me.... Until you use me up" -- Bill Withers (Photo'd Above)

When I heard this song.. I WAS like "BLOGTIME!"

INCIDENT #1 -- MOST people know that I design my own page. I do if FROM SCRATCH on UP! BY MY DAMN SELF. && I have niggas on a DAILY. "Can you make me a page I need it by 2morrow"... My initial thought is, "BITCH, I ain't charging you for this shit. YOU will GET IT, when I do it. CAPEESH!" but I simply, respond with, "I don't have time" -- Which isn't a lie. I don't . As Rarely as I am ONLINE period point blank, SOMEBODY should tell them.


INCIDENT#2 -- One DAY this UNKNOWN PERSON hit me up in my INBOX asking me to BURN CDs. FYI: NO I do not burn CDs ANYMORE. You need to find the bootleg man for that shit. I mean my GOD! how do you think you're gonna get the CD! This ain't DOMINOS && I am NOT a Delivery girl. or the time somebody sent me a message on myspace asking for 5 CD's && wanted them ALL the next day && THEY happened to be CDs NOT even OUT yet. Oh, and Might I remind you its, 11pm at night. Hmm. *DELETE* went that message. I'm just so sick of this Bullshit. GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE, If you have NOTHING to contribute to the well being of my life you fucking SMUTBUCKETS. && It also goes for my FAM too.

*Diddy's Voice* "Take That, Take That"

I'm really and honestly tired of doing things for people && they CONTINUE to ask for things until I CRASH, and right now... I'm at wits END.
*Middle Finger* I can go on and on with the wrong doing that others have done to me. but I wont.

-- . Speak Up Or be Forgotten ~ ONJ

Recent Incident

I'm not the emotional type. "Honestly, I'm really not." . Neither am I the P.D.A (Public Display of Affection). But there's this young man. He has my undivided attention. His name, ANONYMOUS, "Ha, you thought I was really going to tell you?"... No I wasn't. But, he's amazing. Not really the best looking guy but he's a sweet heart. I mean I can't stop thinking about him. He's A M A Z I N G! He actually listens to me. As well as I listen to him. He makes me SMILE uncontrollably, only for me to cover my face and say "Omg! I Hate You" ... and he replies "What did I do now?". I think I'm infatuated with him. Actually I'm smiling as I write this. =/ Weird. Someone once told me, "You're in love when you can't picture yourself without that special person." *Sigh* I just don't know. =/ Sometimes, I think to myself "This is it, he's the one." but I redraw myself from him. Shun him away, I guess I'm afraid to love. After all I'm not emotionally open.

*UPDATE*

Uhm, I did some very childish stuff so He && I are no longer talking but THINGS happen, I guess I wasn't ready for whatever, it was that he was doing/ or trying to pursue. I mean, there's so much more to the situation. but I mean, I haven't been myself lately.. The more that he AND I aren't talking the MORE I miss him. The more I need him. && Its weird. I'm just ... I don't know. he acts as though its NOTHING to him. but I have NEVER felt this way EVER in my life. but there is a FIRST TIME for everything. BUT, I hope that we can RECONCILE or differences and move forward. Either as a COUPLE or as Friends. =)