Olivia's World: 2009

December 30, 2009

Get it yo damn self.

I am the shyest thing in the world. I mean, I dont know what it is, but I will clam up in a heart beat. I dont have an explanation as to why I do it but I do. I'm actually a loser, and I dont force anything on anybody. I stay to myself.

I'm a big girl, I'm fat, whatever you want to call it. I know that society doesn't accept big folk [HELL RARELY!]. I have heard the precious joke, since the movie came out, and I've seen how people can roast yo ass in a heart beat [with my scary ass]. my mind frame is that regardless if that person is talkin to you.. in the back of their mind, they have something negative underneath it all. So therefore, I dont really take initiative to talk to people and if i do, I'll say something, and move along.

I dont think I believe in myself as a person and I have to learn to believe in myself, because in the next 5-10 years, I am going to be the one staring in the mirror, I'm going to be the one running my life and cashing them damn checks to pay my bills, but for some odd reason, I care about what people think and I'm soooo careful about what I say to people.Its like I dont have a voice.

I dont know whether I have low self-esteem or not, I'm a nice person, I joke around alot, and I can be loud & party-like crunk, but it takes time, which people aint got time to waste on me, ya know. I try and understand what I can't, I want to fit in somewhere, I just dont want to force it, hell i'll be alright.

but, uhm, I read feedmekicks.blogspot.com's post and she said "PROSPERING IN YOUR CRAFT IS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO. That's how it should be. Nobody will hand shit to you, you have to take it." and for me, that will be a challenge and Its NOT a new YEARS resolution, but Imma start on it as the days come & go.

Most of the people I considered my friends dont really fuck with me unless they need something and that shit... aint cool at all. I feel like I'm going through college with out shit body to turn to when I feel the need to express how I feel.

I'm by my damn self. but like she said, aint nobody gone hand me shit.

Its time to get on my shit & do what I have to.

December 27, 2009

I have so much that I want to do with my life, but I can't.
I'm so independent.. I have the mind-frame of an INDEPENDENT person, yet I depend on my momma.I get so frustrated when I cant make her happy.

I feel like, the world is on my shoulders. Some days, I think to myself that if I was dead that It'd be better that way.. so I would be better. but that's selfish, you know what about the people that really care about me. You know, what about the people that need me, like my mom, my little brother.

This year, after taking a year off from the world, I finally got off my ass & enrolled in school, and I finished my first semester, lost an aunt.. to a stroke, [She's still ALIVE, she's in a vegetative state] .

she actually named me Olivia, she was the main person jumping on my ass to make me do better. and I finally got up and did it. but she cant enjoy it.

uhm, This Christmas, I went to see her, I told her about my grades & you know.. it gets over whelming at times.

I'm trying. I can only do so much.

but I will NEVER EVER give up... that's what the haters, & negative people want.

December 25, 2009

December 25th

Merry Christmas.
Happy Birthday Jesus.

Mann, It dont even feel like Christmas..
I didn't get presents.. I dont even really care.
Its like, the older you get the less you want, and if you do want something.
The shit is super expensive.
But I mean, much of my love goes to the people in Lufkin Land that lost their homes & cars.
-- Olivia

----------------
Now playing: Tynisha Keli - I Wish You Loved Me
via FoxyTunes

December 19, 2009

Life

I think that in this world the only bestfriend you have is the one that you find within yourself.
Personally, I don't fool with alot of people, because they always feel like you OWE them something.

but, one person that I believed to be my pplz, keep playing me for a fuckin fool;
I'm over that shit, I'm done with that.

All I can worry about is my immediate fam and me gettin through college.
The rest of that shit can go out the window.

----------------
Now playing: Wiz Khalifa - Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

College...

So, fall semester ended.. in lil ol` Lufkin Texas.

I'm a Graphic Art Major, IDK why I'm not even alla that there.

but I took 4 classes. 13 hrs. I passed 3 A's & 1 B.

so, I already registered for Spring Semester.. 4 classes 12 hrs .

.... and the story continues, but I just thank the lord for seeing me thus far.

December 1, 2009

Aunt Irma !

Happy Birthday Girl ..

Creepin up on that big 6-O !
lmfaooo .

Alicia Keys .

I'm a fan .. well, not a BIG fan... hell not really a fan, just a person who listens to her music better yet.

uhm, I looked/listened to the new songs on Youtube. I mean they wereeeee preetttyyy nice, might I add.

I really like the "Don't Mean Anything" joint althought that "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" is damned catchy, butttuhhh, please believe I will have that album ASAP.

lmfaoo. if you dont know.. I'll post the videos :)

TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART !

DONT MEAN ANYTHING !

why it gotta be all that.

So, uh...
i really dont feel the need to update this, but.. lately, I been feeling really left out. It aint a thang to me, but hell I spend half of my time in my own little world ANYWAYS.

but, I really dont understand how people walk around BITCHING all... day... long.
I mean honestly, you say what you see wrong, especially them heffas that be posted up by the front doors at school.

I mean, REALLY? I am thankful for everything that comes up on me. but I'm not necessarily saying, act like everything is "peachy king" but hell, just look at it .. how it really is, and dont give up hope at least ya know what im sayin ?

anyways... that's about it.

November 27, 2009

Nov. 27th - 11:23am ~ Me && My Macbook

LMFAO ! well, I took the liberty of purchasing me a Macbook to last me my next 4 years of college.
you know being a Graphic Art major & all.

Looool. whoop whoop. I'm already on the webcam HARDBOOOODDDY and hopefully my brother & I will make a couple of youtube videos and hit up that good ol' Ustream.

but I mean.. look for yourself.. I loves my macbook and I've had it for.. 5 hrs since the little white man woke me up to sign for the shit.

Give Up? HELL NAW !

I've recently, had issues; well more obstacles in my life. Road blocks,
hmm. so many times I've wanted to give up.. and I'd say "Oh, this just isn't for me."

For those of you, who read this I am a Graphic Arts major attending Angelina College.
I'm a beginner, most of the people that are in my classes have been there for a while.

They are so talented, The graphic arts degree entails that you have the ability to draw, photograph, design, write. I'm just beginning and I feel so overwhelmed, but my classmates are AMAZING.

Especially Mariciela, she told me to never give up, at least I'm doing something with my life. Never feel bad or down. Just keep with it and it'll pay off in the end.

lol and Taja King, she told me... don't trip on it. Do what needs to be done; all them side commentators aint paying for shit & they sholl aint doing the work.

Even Deidre with her "Im gonna stab you Olivia" ass, She cool to have with .. even on our going outta town everynow before our 11:25am classes.

but I mean, everything is going okay so far with the other worries that lie within the future.

but thank you Jesus for letting me make it thus far. ;)

November 13, 2009

G 0 D

The power of our prayers just cannot be measured - Blessings

IN GOD WE TRUST 60 seconds with God... For the next 60 seconds, set aside what ever you're doing and take this opportunity! Let's see if satan can stop this. THE (SCIENTIFIC) DEATH OF JESUS [Photo] At the age of 33, Jesus was condemned to the death penalty. [Photo] At the time crucifixion was the "worst" death. Only the worst criminals condemned to be crucified. Yet it was even more dreadful for Jesus, unlike other criminals condemned to death by crucifixion Jesus was to be nailed to the cross by His hands and feet. [Photo] Each nail was 6 to 8 inches long.

[Photo] The nails were driven into His wrist. Not into His palms as is commonly portrayed. There's a tendon in the wrist that extends to the shoulder. The Roman guards knew that when the nails were being hammered into the wrist that tendon would tear and brake, forcing Jesus to use His back muscles to support himself so that He could breath. [Photo] Both of His feet were nailed together. Thus He was forced to support Himself on the single nail that impaled His feet to the cross. Jesus could not support himself with His legs because of the pain so He was forced to alternate between arching His back then using his legs just to continue to breath. Imagine the struggle, the pain, the suffering, the courage. [Photo] Jesus endured this reality for over 3 hours. Yes, over 3 hours! Can you imagine this kind of suffering? A few minutes before He died, Jesus stopped bleeding. He was simply pouring water from his wounds. [Photo] From common images we see wounds to His hands and feet and even the spear wound to His side. But do we realize His wounds were actually made in his body. A hammer driving large nails through the wrist, the feet overlapped and an even large nail hammered through the arches, then a Roman guard piercing His side with a spear. But before the nails and the spear Jesus was whipped and beaten. The whipping was so severe that it tore the flesh from His body. The beating so horrific that His face was torn and his beard wripped from His face. The crown of thorns cut deeply into His scalp. Most men would not have survived this torture. [Photo] He had no more blood to bleed out, only water poured from His wounds. The human adult body contains about 3.5 litres (just less than a gallon) of blood.. [Photo] Jesus poured all 3.5 litres of his blood; He had three nails hammered into his members; a crown of thorns on his head and, beyond that, a Roman soldier who stabbed a spear into his chest. [Photo] All these without mentioning the humiliation He passed after carrying his own cross for almost 2 kilometers, while the crowd spat in his face and threw stones (the cross was almost 30 kg of weight, only for its higher part, where his hands were nailed). [Photo] Jesus had to endure this experience, so that you can have free access to God. So that your sins could be "washed" away. All of them, with no exception! Don't ignore this situation. JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR YOU! For you, who now read this e-mail. Do not believe that He only died for others (those who go to church or for pastors, bishops, etc). [Photo] He died for you! It is easy to pass jokes or foolish photos by e-mail, but when it comes to God, sometimes you feel ashamed to forward to others because you are worried of what they may think about you...

Accept the reality, the truth that JESUS IS THE ONLY SALVATION FOR THE WORLD. [Photo] God has plans for you, show all your friends what He experienced to save you. Now think about this! May God bless your life! [Photo] 60 seconds with God... For the next 60 seconds, set aside what you're doing and take this opportunity! Let's see if Satan can stop this. [Photo] All you have to do is: 1. Simply pray for the person who sent this message to you: Lord, you know the life of _________. I ask You to bless him/her in all things and make him/her prosperous. Take care of his/her family, his/her health, his/her work and all his/her future plans. Lead him/her not into temptation, but deliver him/her from evil. In Jesus' name, amen. 2.Then, send this message to 10 people. 3.10 people will pray for you and you will make that many people pray to God for other people. 4. Take a moment to appreciate the power of God in your life, for doing what pleases Him. If you are not ashamed to do this, please, follow Jesus' instructions. He said (Matthew 10:32 & 33): "Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whosoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven". If you believe, send this message... But send it only if you believe in Christ Jesus is your Lord and Savior. Yes, I love God. He is my source of life and my savior. He keeps me alive day and night. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me". Philippians 4:13. This is the simple proof. If you love God and you are believe and trust in salvation through Christ Jesus, send this to all those you love.

IN GOD WE TRUST 60 seconds with God...For the next 60 seconds, set aside what ever you're doing and take this opportunity! Let's see if satan can stop this.

THE (SCIENTIFIC) DEATH OF JESUSAt the age of 33, Jesus was condemned to the death penalty.

At the time crucifixion was the "worst" death. Only the worst criminals condemned to be crucified. Yet it was even more dreadful for Jesus, unlike other criminals condemned to death by crucifixion Jesus was to be nailed to the cross by His hands and feet.

Each nail was 6 to 8 inches long.

The nails were driven into His wrist. Not into His palms as is commonly portrayed. There's a tendon in the wrist that extends to the shoulder. The Roman guards knew that when the nails were being hammered into the wrist that tendon would tear and brake, forcing Jesus to use His back muscles to support himself so that He could breath.

Both of His feet were nailed together. Thus He was forced to support Himself on the single nail that impaled His feet to the cross. Jesus could not support himself with His legs because of the pain so He was forced to alternate between arching His back then using his legs just to continue to breath. Imagine the struggle, the pain, the suffering, the courage.

Jesus endured this reality for over 3 hours.

Yes, over 3 hours! Can you imagine this kind of suffering? A few minutes before He died, Jesus stopped bleeding.

He was simply pouring water from his wounds.

From common images we see wounds to His hands and feet and even the spear wound to His side. But do we realize His wounds were actually made in his body. A hammer driving large nails through the wrist, the feet overlapped and an even large nail hammered through the arches, then a Roman guard piercing His side with a spear. But before the nails and the spear Jesus was whipped and beaten. The whipping was so severe that it tore the flesh from His body. The beating so horrific that His face was torn and his beard wripped from His face. The crown of thorns cut deeply into His scalp. Most men would not have survived this torture. He had no more blood to bleed out, only water poured from His wounds.The human adult body contains about 3.5 litres (just less than a gallon) of blood..

Jesus poured all 3.5 litres of his blood; He had three nails hammered into his members; a crown of thorns on his head and, beyond that, a Roman soldier who stabbed a spear into his chest.

All these without mentioning the humiliation He passed after carrying his own cross for almost 2 kilometers, while the crowd spat in his face and threw stones (the cross was almost 30 kg of weight, only for its higher part, where his hands were nailed).

Jesus had to endure this experience, so that you can have free access to God. So that your sins could be "washed" away. All of them, with no exception! Don't ignore this situation. JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR YOU! For you, who now read this e-mail. Do not believe that He only died for others (those who go to church or for pastors, bishops, etc).

He died for you! It is easy to pass jokes or foolish photos by e-mail, but when it comes to God, sometimes you feel ashamed to forward to others because you are worried of what they may think about you...

Accept the reality, the truth that JESUS IS THE ONLY SALVATION FOR THE WORLD.

God has plans for you, show all your friends what He experienced to save you. Now think about this! May God bless your life!

60 seconds with God...

For the next 60 seconds, set aside what you're doing and take this opportunity! Let's see if Satan can stop this.

All you have to do is:

1. Simply pray for the person who sent this message to you: Lord, you know the life of _________. I ask You to bless him/her in all things and make him/her prosperous. Take care of his/her family, his/her health, his/her work and all his/her future plans. Lead him/her not into temptation, but deliver him/her from evil. In Jesus' name, amen.

2.Then, send this message to 10 people.

3.10 people will pray for you and you will make that many people pray to God for other people.

4. Take a moment to appreciate the power of God in your life, for doing what pleases Him.

If you are not ashamed to do this, please, follow Jesus' instructions. He said (Matthew 10:32 & 33): "Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whosoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven".

If you believe, send this message... But send it only if you believe in Christ Jesus is your Lord and Savior.

Yes, I love God. He is my source of life and my savior. He keeps me alive day and night.

Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me". Philippians 4:13.

This is the simple proof. If you love God and you are believe and trust in salvation through Christ Jesus, send this to all those you love.

Email from Aunt Irma <3

Dear God:
The lady reading this
is beautiful, classy and
strong, and I love her.
Help her live her life to the fullest.
Please promote her and
cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her shine in the
darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times,
lift her up when she needs You the most,
and let her know when she
walks with You,
She will always be safe.

Love you Girl!!!!

November 10, 2009

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN

I really like this poem to I decided to share it . !

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN

By Vernon J. Davis Jr.

Author of " Love Is The Beautiful Black Woman"

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR BEAUTY IS SURPASSED

BY NONE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR SENSUOUS

SPLENDOR IS LIKE THE SHINING SUN YOUR

WONDROUS WAYS COME FROM YOUR SOUL

WHICH NO ONE MAN MAY HOPE TO CONTROL

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOU ARE THE GUIDING

HOPE OF OUR PEOPLE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR MIND MAINTAINS

YOUR GLORIOUS POWER

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR SPIRIT IS

LIKE A SHINING CHURCH TOWER WHICH POINTS THE

WAY TO HEAVEN ABOVE AND WHICH

SEEKS TO FIND TRUE LOVE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOU ARE THE GUIDING

HOPE OF OUR PEOPLE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR TIME IS LIKE A

PRECIOUS COMMODITY

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR EBONY WILL IS

STRONG AND FREE SO TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

AND YOUR DETERMINED WILL AND USE THEM BOTH TO

EMPHASIZE WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOU ARE THE GUIDING HOPE

OF OUR PEOPLE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, IN YOU LIES OUR FUTURE!

November 7, 2009

Fast Lane

Sometimes, I feel like my life is moving too fast.
Thinks happen and there is nothing that I could
do about it.

I can't handle it, I've never been helpless like this before.

I'm tired

It's like I'm moving in a circle... a square .. fuck a line. Everyday.. same shit .. different day.
Climbing the highest mountain.. only to slip and fall.

Nobody's life is perfect. MINES, is far from it .
I'm so dependent right now... barely independent.
but, I'm tired of .. wondering about the people in my life.
I dont have any support behind my going to college .. but the fact that I'm not tryina work a minimum wage job the rest of my fuckin life. I wanna do be.

but, every now & then.. I get tired of fuckin being here.. putting up with this shit .
Day in & Day out . && it aint even ME that's doing it .. its other ppl. I'm just.. the substitute punching bag.

I cant assist the situation because.. when I do.. nothing happens.. its like.. I'm stuck .

I know that everyday is different.. and to take it one step at a time, but right now..

I'm bout to dive off a cliff. its irritating.. nobody knows.. what i think, feel, hear or see.... but me.
and it aint always what i want.. or what i need. i think that's part of my problem..

I get so tired.... I'm tired.. for more than 10 years .. a DAMN decade.. its been HERE .. in my mind.

I dont even think I'm all here..

but ppl have seen worse.. but that stuff .. is what MOLDS me..
what makes me who I am..
but its slowly.. tiring me.
tearing me..
making me.. not even wanna wake up each morning..
its ... just ..
I'm T I R E D .
I wanna escape... be free...

October 24, 2009

College !

uhm..

so far its cool; just alot of projects . Its really a cake walk so far. I just dont be getting enough sleep!
but I'm glad I'm there .. minus them ghetto ass hoodrats that be posted up; being loud & talkin shit about the people that walk by. I mean... COME ON ! we in college . baby this is NOT high school. SHUT THE FUCK UP. you just mad you aint WHERE they at ! I mean, I be looking and thinking in the back of my mind "this bitch aint gone be here next semester ANYWAYS!" .

Each day is different for me, like that one day I knocked Stephanie cup out her hand in the middle of the student center. I was like Gahhhhhhhd DAMN! buttuh, its all good. shit .. I wasn't trippin I was gone pay for it ! lmfao !

uhm, I dont really fool with a lot of people on campus. I dont stop & talk. I dont do none of that cause I know how people is. I just raise my hand & smile or say HEY when I see em.

Community college is a buncha bullshit .. buttuh gimme these next 3 semesters && the summer session! *claps* I'm leaving! I swear .. I needa get the hell outta Lufkin.. Its not LUFKIN, its the PEOPLE here !

October 4, 2009

DJ . =]

ugh, I cant stand him, he makes me wanna go upside his head every time I see him;
but sometimes, I dont know where I'd be with out him. ya know, I'm really just used to him being around and yet and still... I really cant fathom my life, with out him. Not as a big sister but as someone who is his "keeper". I mean really, with all the violence goin on today, hmm..

Last Monday, I had got out of class, its wassss, 7ish and I was walking down the side walk & up pulls my momma, she was HALFWAY in the parking lot & she yells "YA BROTHER GOT HIT BY A CAR!" ... in my mind I'm like "Girl, Stop playing." ... so when I get to the car & look, there he is laid across the backseat, crying & stuff. I felt so bad;; then I started laughing like super hard... I couldn't believe this shit...

I love my little MINI-ME with all my heart; I do anything for him... ALMOST anything.. but..

*FAST FORWARD*

He was fine.. just pain here && there.. ya know. no broken bones *Thank God*
I didn't get home til like 2-3am && backdoor had a 8am class;;

Rough Night... But I Excelled in my schoolwork.. BET that ;-)
but I mean, he'd do the same for me... I know he would.

September 20, 2009

Futuristic Jones

Texas !

Michael Jackson

September 3, 2009

*sigh*

uhm.. I've been contemplating this blog; whether to write it or do a video.

My Aunt Bonnie is in ICU; anddddddd idk if she'll ever get back to where she was. (UPDATE:SHE'S NOT)

You know all my life.. she was "Aunt Bonnie"
...ask & you shall receive. If I didn't have she'd TRY and get it.. or make plans to get it. :) .. I love her for that.

The 3 times that I have been to the hospital; I dont go near her bed.. I just take a seat or keep my distance... and I stare.

I think about what she said to me; the last time.. "Olivia, you're smart.. You need to go TO COLLEGE, I know you can do it. I want to see you in college before I leave this earth; you too smart.. WAYYY to smart."

I feel like I'm finna cry.. but I cant... You know. I'm sad, but I cant cry because I know... I just want her to get better. She's important to me, not only because she's my aunt.

she named me OLIVIA. yeaa she named me that.

Its not that I need her, but I want her to live a lil longer. Stay just a little bit longer.

I think the thing that gets me the most is that I'm used to her being a phone call away, a 10 min drive away. I didn't give her a second thought really.

When you KNOW that the person isn't there you feel empty.. you feel like a piece is missing. I feel that way tho. for some odd reason.

She spoiled me coming up.. Lool. I remember my mom telling me that one time I had a bowl of peas & I wasted em && Aunt Bonnie went to the store & BOUGHT me another can. :D .

Yeaaa; Auntie loves me and I love her back.

I mean my other family member say "I cant stand to look at her like that".

but Its fine to me. Mom & I watch the health channel alot.

I just stare and & think of .. everything she's done.. positive and negative for me, ya know.. I just close my eyes from time to time and say in my mind. pleasseee snap out of it.

I understand she aint dead but, she can't talk back.

I feel like I didn't appreciate her like I should have I feel kinda guilty but no one lives forever... but God has plans for her.. and It's gonna hurt me, but Death is a part of life.

And.. Now that I'm in college after she nagged me EVERY SINGLE TIME she saw me. She didn't get to see me. She can't say anything to me. like "How is college?" or "What classes are you taking?".

But I'm fine. It'll be fine. I just wont give up. no matter how overwhelmed or stressed I get.. I'll stand strong.

College means more NOW than ever.

I just wish I change the way things are going.

Just know.. that "I love you AUNT BONNIE always.. && forever".

-- Olivia N. Jones.

I'm considerate of other people's feelings, hardbody but I'm tired.

I get tired of being there for you && when I need you... you're not there.

There is so many things wrong with this picture.

I don't say anything.. I just let it ride.

You know sometimes I wonder how we got this far.

What were we holding on to?

Its like I'm looking back down the road and all I see is bullshit. PURE bullshit.

you say soooo many things to make me believe you. but in the end it all boils down to you lying.

I honestly can't handle this. I would've trusted you with my life. but, I dont think I can do that.

I'm not a little kid anymore. You can't just say things && not expect me to ... I dont even care anymore dude.

just..

I'm just tired.. really I am. && you... KNOW who you are.

I 've never really done anything for me; like seriously I haven't.

I've always done things because they HAD to be done, or someone else wanted that FOR ME!

I'm kinda lost right now. I've always been the one.. who has a plan.
Rarely do I ever go with the flow. I'm more of a "I WILL DO THIS" and it be done.

I've never really made ANY choices for myself; I've always let my parents or somebody else decide for me.

but, I feel like I'm at a split in the road. you know, asking myself; "Where Do I Go From Here."
-------------------------
[I'm posted up.. thinking. ]

we are born we LEARN half of our lives & work until.. we die eventually.

No one really LIVESSSS it to the fullest because we're too busy with grade school & college and work. [unlike the ppl born INTO money]

but the world is ruled by money; it makes it go round. if you aint got money.. then.. YOU AINT NOBODY.

----------------------------------------
I've been GROWN; but I aint been acting like it.

I'm shy.. like REALLY shy. I dont DO things because I'm afraid I'll mess up. I'm a people pleaser & IT HAS TO STOP!

I'm always telling myself "Oh you have to do this because SO & SO said so..."

you know.. but my momma told me "THIS IS YOUR LIFE; DO RIGHT BY IT"

I'm not sure where I go from here.. but I know its NOWHERE near where I am now.

I actually somewhat care, what people think but I constantly remind myself that THEY AINT BENEFICIAL so therefore THEY DONT MATTER!

Each day is a blessing.. and.. I'm not taking it for granted.

August 28, 2009

hmmm

August 27, 2009

aunt bonnie

August 18, 2009

-happybirthday`

HAPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!

loool, yeaa Its her birthday. We actually sat up til 12am this morning && I send her an IM on YAHOO. && I blogged on Tumblr. and now Blogspot. Then... idk, its kinda .. well, I'm kinda crunk my damnself && it aint even my birthday.

I just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, another year here and hopefully many more to come... idk where I'd be, because I'm a momma's girl . and I do believe that "Mama Knows Best" is actually the truth. uhm... Happy 50th! :D ..I'm just kidding! you got a good grip to go. but yea.. happy b-day; LOVE you.
-- Olivia`

August 16, 2009

-purpleeeee`

-redblack&ndwhite`

Yessireeeee ! . I'd so rock these bad boys NO lie.. $130.00, i think plus the other stuff .
I mean.. It even has my name on the back side part :D ...

YESSSSS! I need to do a few chucks.. "What a DORK!", idgas

-whoami?`

-beautiful`

-anywheabuthere.`

I snapped this on a trip from Dallas back to Lufkin. *siqh* right now, I'd rather be anywhere but here . I mean I'm fine right now, but sometimes I don't even know why I continue to breath this air, feel this way, or even converse with these people who dont care about me. they just talk to me because I can help them get farther on their journey to the .. well, to wherever the hell they're going.

I just want to get in the car and drive to the end of the earth. I need to find a mountain top and exercise my lungs. *smh* I'm stressed... I barely sleep. I don't really eat anymore. .. I'm not the same.. I'm ... really "WHATEVER" at this moment in time.

August 15, 2009

I think that ... I am a Trey Songz fan. Not crazed obsessed, but a fan.
I never really paid him any attention when he first came out.. it was like . "Oh wow, mhhm, ONE HIT!" ... I remember vacuuming the floor and I was changing the channel and his video came on. "Gotta Make It" , I bobbed my head and said "He's Cute" .

Many years later, here we have it .. Mr. Tremaine "Trey Songz" Neverson, he's a threat to many guys in the game tho, he may not know it .. but he's putting Ne-Yo in a tight squeeze there. *sigh*

my favorite track has to be "Yo Side Of The Bed" . Its very very sentimental. I uh, like it alot.

uhm.. but, so far so good.. lets see what he has in store next .

-justdoitlikenike`

um... so I was bored && decided to hit up .. NIKE and made me a shoe (photoed above).
Dudeeeeeee Its pretty cool, the only thing that I don't like is that they don't have textures.. and patterns like polka dots, etc. but, next will be chucks... I really like shoes.. =)

-wheresdarealyou?

I'm not saying any names, because that would actually give that bitch some shine.

uhm, I dont like how fake you are.. you're not real.. you're not the person I've grown to know..
or maybe this is the REAL you and that other shit I grew to love was a lie.

but, I dont appreciate how you put others down to make yourself feel better.
I dont appreciate how you put yourself ABOVE everyone else.

Karma is coming, will it bite you in your ass. Hopefully it will.

I'm not wishing anything upon you. but, everything you have.. is a blessing.
EVERYTHING you are .. is because of US.
but in my eyes.. you're NOTHING.

I mean, when you find that person I once knew.. then holla at me.

-ohyewmad?

This is my BLOG.. I write WHAT I WANT!
Don't like it.. FCK OFF. :D

So,
I've always been the type to do for others, and sometimes... try and break my neck to do FOR them at that.

I'm a people pleaser, sometimes when I don't DO for my friends.. It makes me feel bad; you know like.. I'm not being 100.

but, my mom told me "If you don't have it, you just don't"

I think my WHOLE life, I've always been worried about pleasing everyone & not myself.
I've been busting my ass to do for others when I get this half ass help in return.

I'm taking it all ONE day at a time, but each day... isn't better than the previous.

-youmademethisway.`

Technically, I'm grown. *nods*

But, I'm not ready for the world.... or am I ?

I can't fathom being without my mother in my life.
I love her beyond life itself. She's babied me; my whole life.

Sometimes, I look at her and I feel like I've totally let her down.
I want to be something... I want to be someone that she's proud of.

I mean... I'm not doing anything with my life as of now.

But, I'm trying.. and that's .. good enough for me.

If people knew the way I see things.. the way I think.. they'd most likely understand me.